Jan 26, 2012
Posted on Jan 26, 2012 in Boring Love Letters, Cliche | 0 comments
Hey Girl,
Ok What is your secret? You are like a magnet, pulling me in every direction. I don’t know if you remember but one time when we were out side your house talking, and I was dropping off a kennel we had borrowed from your mom, I told you that I use the church as a excuse to talk to you. Its true, but now I am looking for every excuse I can, to call and hear your laugh and even your sigh. Even just to text you. When I call on my way home, I stop when I get to Macdonalds, to keep talking. I don’t want to stop talking. It is great to hear the love you have for your daughter. I hurt to hear the pain you have dealing with your mom. I have so many things I want to ask and learn about you. I fear that I am being to bold, that is why I keep asking if I make you nervous. I am worried that after you read this, you will run. If I am scaring you, please let me know, and I will run. I too, try to say what I feel, and I know that this may scare you off, which is the last thing I want. Please don’t let this scare you. I worry that others will notice me looking your direction, so I try hard not to stare. When you sat in front of us at church, I noticed every move you made, looking for signs of stress, (even a scowl) wanting to protect you. Hoping to see the spark in your eyes. I worry that you will think that I am just a married horn dog, I hope you don’t. I am not looking for anything, except to understand the things I feel. I want you to know, that I love my wife dearly. I would never let anything get in the way. And I also know that other real emotions exist out side of marriage. I told you one time that I have a story to tell you, I still do, and have been waiting for the right time. If this note doesn’t scare you off, then maybe soon. If you want to get me in real trouble, this letter would do it. I am taking that risk, hoping you understand. If I can borrow a couple of lines from the second song on the CD I gave you, “I don’t want to mess this thing up, I don’t want to push to hard”, “I don’t want to leave”, We don’t need to rush this, lets just take it slow”, “Lets do this right”.
Jul 30, 2011
Posted on Jul 30, 2011 in Regret | 1 comment
Subject line: I miss you
It’s almost 5 years now. 5 years since I uprooted my life for you. 5 years since I did everything for you. 5 years since you left me here.
Almost 5 years and I still wake up every day thinking of you — spend my nights dreaming of you.
This time of the year is always the hardest. It was during this time that it all started to unravel — despite that I thought I was doing what I should, what was expected.
I’m sorry for the mistake I made. I should have told you I loved you sooner. I should have told you how much you meant to me sooner. But, I was scared. I was scared of what it meant, scared if I could, scared of ending up here if I did, alone and lost. I should have told you at your Birthday party that year, while I sat next to you, holding you. That picture still haunts me, the two of us sitting with each other — all your friends sitting around us. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you. I’m sorry that my actions didn’t speak louder than 3 simple words — I thought for sure they did.
I should have shouted it out at your party, to the world. Stood atop the tallest peak and made sure the world knew just how much I loved you and more importantly that you knew how much I loved you, cherished you. In the end, I tried in my own way, but failed horribly and embarrassed you, me — my love. I’m sorry.
I miss it all. I hate it all. I loved all of it and I long for it all back, still. I can’t escape you here in our home. I’m surrounded by what was and what should have been. And, I can’t heal. I can’t grow. I can’t move on. This is my prison. Where is my closure. Where is my escape.
I’m sorry. I love you still, wishing I couldn’t, wouldn’t and shouldn’t. Alone in our home, looking out the windows at what was and what could have been.
Jul 27, 2011
Posted on Jul 27, 2011 in Regret | 0 comments
Subject line: I’m sorry i’m not perfect!!!
Your right I can be an asshole I also can be a very loving man who thinks of others before himself unless you make a decision thinking only about you with no regard for others feelings you say mean thing when your mad I understand but at least make them truthful or you should do what you say you need and keep them private you really need to face your problems in a different way because it should be obvious by now that your way isn’t working I know I can be very mean I also know I love you and forgave you over and over my problem is holding resentment I should have been honest after the second incident and parted ways now it’s much harder to deal with we have created a great home together only to let go of due to privacy being violated without wasting much time it’s obvious you and me aren’t meant to be we gave it a run now let’s be adults and let it go life is too short too hate and dwell there is that right person out there for each of us I wish you the best sweetheart and I’m sorry for the pain we’ve delt with in this relationship but enough is enough
