Very Open

Dear Andrea

Its been a few years now and I still haven’t forgotten you. It seemed that the universe was pushing me to be with you, but I kept pushing you away. I had my own demons and I wanted to deal with them by myself. I was insecure, jealous, obsessive because I loved you and you were the only one I had ever felt that with. I wasn’t using or drinking. I was just depressed that I couldn’t be with you. The universe has never stopped telling me that I screwed myself by pushing you away.

The greatest moments of my life were the moments I spent with you. When I was laying with you on the couch with my head against your hip I felt like all the pain that had been in my life, everything that I had gone through, was gone. Ive never felt love for my family. Ive never felt love before. With you I know it was love. I loved your mother, I thought she was tame compared to my abusive father. I loved your brother, I can only wish I had had a brother like him when I was his age. I loved the smell of your body and your home. I loved Florida.

Ive been in the army, and Ive gotten out of the army with you being on my mind every single second of the day. I cant let go of you because I know in my heart that the way I treated you was the worst thing I could have ever done. I miss you, I feel like I always will. I worry about you constantly. Just let me know you still exist, let me know you are out there. Let me know you are ok. Let me know you are doing well for yourself so I can root you on from behind the scenes.

I went back to your home and you no longer lived there. I stopped searching for you after that. I may have lost you, but I will never forget you.

Love Always,


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