“Choices have to be made.”
It’s not a matter of fear that I don’t risk leaping. You cannot right the wrongs of the past. Time has a way of changing so many things. A person can still love you thirty years from now as much as they did when you first met and fell in love.
It’s not fear, it’s trust. When you love someone and they leave you hurt that open wound is often so painful for those who are delicate and sensitive it is almost crushing to their entire being. At the time you hurt them they trusted you, believed in you and thought you loved them. The longer you ignore them and leave that wound open to them allowing them to feel the pain inflicted they feel betrayed by your love. You could have stopped their pain if you really loved them. You could have made right then and settle the issues between them if you loved them.
Why would you make someone suffer such pain for years and years if you loved them. Why would pride, ego and the need to be right be more important than your love for them.
What and who they believed you to be, that person who loved them is no more than empty words as they suffer through the healing process and the pain you’ve left them tormented with.
You can’t come back to that place in time and make it better now. The wounds may heal, but the memory of the pain and the person who caused it is forever in my memory. I may love you with all my heart as much today as I did then, but I can’t trust that you wouldn’t abandon me now as you did then.
It’s not that fear being with you, it’s that I can’t trust you. If you cheated on me then and with me while living with someone else, where’s love going to prevent you from cheating on me with someone else?
No matter how much you love someone then and still now, there’s a point where a person realizes that their better judgement says it’s not what’s best for you or what’s right.
Choices have to be made. Choices that are better for my well being than what my heart tells me I want. I’d be lying to myself and you if I said, “the past will never be mentioned again or I’ve forgiven all and love conquers all fears and I trust you.”
I can say it, but there’s a place hidden inside me that keeps a small doubt that will eventually grow from the negatives that feed it and soon any and all things that start good loving you in the beginning will be eradicated, it’s just a matter of time.
You can’t go back to the past. If you separate with no pains or hurt between you and are just to people who take different paths and meet again later in life you have a chance at it working.
Too much time has past and we both have insecurities.
You can’t make someone leap just because you now want what you fucked up in the past. You should have proven you loved me then and not made me suffer the pain. If you’d loved me you wouldn’t have left me in such a state of emotional pain, you would have taken the pain away then by loving me.
When you leave a wound open and cause a person to suffer the torment of facing the reality that you weren’t the person they thought loved them because if you did you wouldn’t have left them to deal with such pain when you could have stopped it then.
If you allowed ego, pride and stubborness to guide you, then you fucked up and you can’t take it back now. Ego, pride and sutbborness and the need to be right was more important to you than me.
I won’t put my heart out there again. I stay where I’m safe and keep the memories of love filed back in my head.
So remember today if there’s anyone you’ve wronged that you may feel that you love or could love as much as you did me to make it right with them now before you fuck up another good thing.
If it was meant to be, it would have been then. It’s not meant to be and I must move on now. I had faith and hope in believing you loved me then. I can’t trust in it now. I won’t leap and leave all that I have and built over the years because you say you love me and it will be alright. It won’t be alright, it will never be alright because you didn’t make it right at the time it happened.
There is a time limitation on correcting the wrongs done to another. After so long a person loses faith in you to be a good person because you left them to suffer.
No one who has a heart or compassion in them for another human being would leave someone to silence and suffering. No one. To do so means you’ve a cold heart. A person doesn’t change who they are they only become better.
I forgive you with all my heart and love you but I can never forget the pain from that time. Again, I’m sorry.
Sorry
