“No, it wasn’t okay”
I wasn’t honest with you. I told you we couldn’t be together because we were too incompatible. I wasn’t completely honest with you. We can’t be together because you don’t know how to have a healthy relationship; one where two “individuals” share a life together. One does not try to “own” the other out of fear, insecurities, jealousy, petty competition, mistrust or hurt from the past. Each partner is whole and healed and happy from within and they want someone to share in that wholeness or internal happiness. You were always a “my way or the highway” type. You sulk when you don’t get your way. You’re cold and callous until you need pleasuring and only then are you warm and inviting. You never concerned yourself with anything but what YOU needed, otherwise, I was made to wait for your call for when you weren’t busy and God forbid I make plans because that made you uneasy. When I started to make a life for my own (from all of your absences), you started to lose me and you were always so threatened by that. This wasn’t just recently, this was over the last 4 months. You noticed that I wasn’t as attentive as usual; you called me out on it once or twice: “everything okay?” you’d ask. No, it wasn’t okay. I was preparing. The pivotal point was my asking for something so small for myself given your busy schedule. I just wanted a bit of your time for something special and you got angry at me for asking; even debated on ending it yourself right then and there until I apologized to you for asking. That was the down-turn. Did you notice? I even debated on ending it myself, but I was convinced I loved you and I just had to earn your trust and love afterall you were the one who professed “I love like no other”. And you sure did that indeed. I’ve never quite been “loved” like that by anyone and I pray that I am never “loved” like that again. So, here is the truth. I hope you are happy one day, but as I think back on our relationship and I know how you bury things (you’ll move on to the next one as if nothing ever happened), you are not likely to understand what you are doing that is so destructive. If you want a connection, you will need to reflect on what it is that you keep doing to drive people right out of your life and in some cases, although not ours – into the arms of another. Do you really think you were always the victim? Really? Start thinking about your own contribution to what happened in your past. If you don’t nurture a relationship, but simply “own” the person by your side for your own pleasure and whim, you will continue to experience this over and over and over… Get help. I was the only one that did not treat you with disrespect despite the way you treated me. Get help.
